|
Frūtlūpery
What is "Frūtlūpery?" The only way to explain
Frūtlūpery
is by delving deeply into the realm of quantum subatomic particles
and feng shui (pronounced "feng shui"). The universe is filled with
quantum subatomic particles that are rifling through all the space
around you at hyper-light speeds. These particles are able to pass
through any solid object or human body, usually without doing any harm.
However, the possibility exists for these particles to interfere with
your own physical molecules in a harmful manner. This usually occurs
when a person or an object has a faulty chi flow, which is another
way of saying a misaligned feng shui.
You may ask, How is this possible? Isn't feng shui just some kind
of crazy pseudo-science practised by new-age hippies and tin-foil hat
wearing wing nuts? How the heck can the placement of a chair or the
color of my wallpaper influence my health and my mind? All I can say
is that if you take that particular approach, your closed mind will
not allow in any fresh air, and you will never be considered an "air-head"
like those of us who practise the art of feng shui.
Let me attempt to explain: When the feng shui of a given space
is in ideal alignment, quantum subatomic particles can pass through
without being deflected in any way, thus ensuring that they will not
harm you. Aligning these chi fields is very important to a healthy
life. When the quantum subatomic particles are flowing properly in
conjunction with your energy flow, they actually have the ability to
strip away the unhealthy subatomic particles from your inner essence
and leave behind the purity of your chi.
Frūtlūpery is actually a Scandinavian word that refers
to the whole field of feng shui and quantum subatomic particulates.
Most people believe feng shui is an Asian idea, but actually the
native peoples living in the area now known as Sweden were the first
to understand that something was going on that they couldn't explain
with the primitive methods at their disposal. They not only knew that
putting a chair or a frying pan (or a "poäng" and a
"skänka" as
they are known to master feng shui practitioners) in one corner of
the room as opposed to another could mean the difference between a
happy home life and a perpetual demon-studded miserable existence
racked by sickness and adversity.
Millennium Flux Bow arm Morris
Chair
The Millennium Flux Bow arm Morris Chair
is not only comfortable, it's good for you. There are eight anisotropic
high-resolution aeromagnets imbedded in key areas of the chair
that gradually align your body's karmaic chi. The chair's gaussian
magnetic flow field, measuring almost 2�D
in density, perfectly aligns the earth's immense magnetic field,
along with all its scientifically proven built-in quantum healing
properties, with your own inner field (chi), bringing about
a perfect harmony between your aura and the earth's magnetosphere,
thus allowing quantum subatomic particles to scrub your chi clean
of foul and harmful parasites. |
Chairs without the millennium flux aeromagnets
The picture to the left shows a typical bow arm Morris chair
without millennium flux aeromagnets installed. Note that the
user is blue, slumped lazily in the chair, and listless. This
person's chi is being radically bombarded by quantum subatomic
particles, and the feng shui of his entire existence is quite
obviously out of kilter. He is in danger of succumbing to any
number of diseases or illnesses, and has probably already lost
up to half his mental capacity. |
 Chairs
with millennium flux aeromagnets installed
The picture to the right shows a typical bow arm Morris chair
that has the millennium flux aeromagnets installed. Note that
the user is a much healthier hue, he looks happy and energetic,
and he is sitting erect and alert. His mental capacity has been
improved and he was recently approved for a home loan despite
a rather shady financial history. Studies have shown
that sitting in one of these chairs can improve your reading
and comprehension up to .0293% in less than thirty unspecified
time units. |
Scientific Validation |
Use of this chair has been clinically
proven to absolutely cure dropsy, vomiting, blurred vision, arthritis,
rheumatism, crow's feet, gingivitis, lupus, hammer toes, swollen
lymph nodes, dizziness, lack of motivation, angst, confusion,
cramps, carpal tunnel syndrome, low self esteem, comical french
accents, sudden overwhelming interests in golf, leprosy, hot dog
fingers, crazy laughter in another room, puns, and Jimmy legs.
This chair MUST be installed by an internationally recognized
feng shui master. He or she may recommend that the rest of your
house be torn down and rebuilt a little to the left. That's why
this person is an expert. We mere laymen will never possess the
wisdom of a master. |
Testimonials
Following are actual testimonials from satisfied clients: |
| |
| Это - хороший стул. Однако, русские уже изобрели это. |
| |
|
|
| |
| I've been dead for over 50 years, but
I still have never seen a chair like this one! |
| |
|
|
| |
| I just wish I'da had one 'a dese chairs
years ago... |
| |
|
|
| |
| How dare you use my name and image in
such a silly manner! |
| |
|
|
| |
| I'm not sure how this chair
works, but it does! And BTW, lighten up, Carl! I'm
pretty sure this whole page is a joke! |
| |
|
| |
Warning
Use of this chair may cause dropsy, vomiting, blurred vision,
arthritis, rheumatism, crow's feet, gingivitis, lupus, hammer
toes, swollen lymph nodes, dizziness, lack of motivation, angst,
confusion, did I say "vomiting" yet?, cramps, carpal
tunnel syndrome, low self esteem, a comical french accent, a sudden
and overwhelming interest in golf, leprosy, hot dog fingers, crazy
laughter in another room, puns, and Jimmy legs. All at once. If
you experience any of these symptoms stop using the chair immediately
and give it to your brother-in-law. If you regularly experience
these symptoms and the chair causes them to go away, Please call
us right away. We need you for our Testimonials section. We were
going to mention here something about letting your doctor
know about any medications you may be taking, but it seems silly,
doesn't it? I mean, wasn't your doctor the one who prescribed
those medications in the first place? And are you really going
to tell your doctor about those other medications you're taking?
|
|
